On Essays, Soul Spilling and Survivors
April 20th, 2012 § 2 Comments
While it would seem to the world that as a professional writer I spill my guts on a regular basis, I’m actually incredibly circumspect about what I share publicly. My other self, the marketing strategist, regularly lectures me to ignore my desire to share the painful and over-twee and to instead mind my brand when opening up in print. So I write about beauty. And I write about culture. And I examine modern cultural minutiae and try to understand what motivates people. And I try to find ways to help people in their business lives and every day strive to make people’s worlds slightly more amusing and hopeful. And I try to tiptoe through the misery and inequity in the world and instead focus on teeny, tiny ways to make things better. Happier. Clearer. Because the
Yellow badge Star of David called "Judenstern". Part of the exhibition in the Jewish Museum Westphalia, Dorsten, Germany. The wording is the German word for Jew (Jude), written in mock-Hebrew script. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
collective clutter of misery in the world can be far too soul crushing.
Yesterday was Holocaust Remembrance Day, a day meant to commemorate the millions murdered by the Nazis. As a child of survivors I wonder where is the day celebrating the survivors? What about the ones who endured living hell and went on to create families and communities and lives filled with both magical and mediocre moments?
As the child of a child concentration camp survivor and a member of a family of survivors, I don’t need one day to remind me, every day is Holocaust Remembrance day in my world. I am a living, breathing, Holocaust memorial. After years of not discussing my familial pain, I decided to write an essay about it and submit it to my usual outlets. It was neither raw, nor overly emotional. What struck me most is how matter of fact I was about the facts of my life. And the fact that I didn’t much care if it was published or not. More than that, it was cathartic to talk about the ongoing struggle of survivors to be afforded dignity as they age. I spoke about the indignity of survivors trying to deal with the organizations that are funded by German reparation money and exist to aid them, who instead choose to victimize them a second time. There was no rage. There was no pain. Merely an airing out of a story that should be told over and over again until justice is meted out and not in insultingly tiny increments.
I’ve written and deleted tens of thousands of words over the years dealing with the particular pain of being what is known as 2G, the second generation of survivors. I wasn’t ready to share with the world the fact that as a very little girl in summer camp, I’d map out escape routes through the forests, just in case the Nazis came back for the rest of us. I felt too vulnerable to share the particular terror felt by children of survivors, that every time you kiss a family member goodbye, it could be the last goodbye. Or the fact that I almost exclusively dated tall blonde WASPs in the hidden hopes that they would save me, if it ever happened again. I never wanted to share the rage at feeling that even my most crucial moments, illnesses or heartaches were inconsequential, because really, how can you compete with the specter of your then eleven year old father being a slave laborer before being sent to a concentration camp? Or knowing that your name isn’t even your own, but rather one plucked from the mass grave at Auschwitz, where the first Rachel Weingarten was gassed before being obliterated in a puff of crematorium smoke. Or how after emerging from the hell that was cancer, you wondered why on earth people insisted on calling you a survivor.
But this time I hit send on my essay instead of delete. I felt as though I was sweeping clean some of the barbed wire cobwebs that pin me to a painful past. Still there, still somewhat rusty, but perhaps less oppressive.
In yearning to clear my life of extraneous clutter, I have to sometimes publicly explore my personal pain, the pain of a lost generation and wonder how people manage to forget.
Zachor. Remember. Not just one day a year, but every day. Not so that you live in the past, but so that the future can remain a hopeful place and not one crowded by ghosts demanding retribution.
Spring Cleaning
April 1st, 2012 § Leave a Comment
I’ve been paying attention lately to the timing of my cyclical cleaning jags. Sometimes the urge to purge intersects with impending
Festive Seder table with wine, matza and Seder plate. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
visitors and other times with different dates on the calendar.
As someone who was raised with a traditional Jewish upbringing, I’ve often fallen victim to the near hysterical house cleaning that generally accompanies Passover, which begins at sunset on Friday.
Though most frequently associated with the shunning of all things leavened (with pasta, bread & bagels topping the list) and eating of matzoh, the holiday that heralds spring also has a subset of rules and regulations. Some that have been passed down over the generations include the reading of the Hagaddah which recounts the Jews exodus from Egypt and the tyrannical Pharoah (10 plagues and all); drinking four glasses of wine; asking the four questions and generally celebrating the Jews’ escape from slavery to freedom complete with a huge meal and quest for gifts. Or as Good for the Jews puts it “They tried to kills us. We Survived. Let’s Eat.”
Good for the Jews: They Tried to Kill Us…
For Jews like myself of Eastern European heritage, the holiday also involves a generally frenzied top/down house cleaning and subsequent disposal of any offending bread-like or even remotely near leavened products. Also clothes that you no longer wear, shoes that have fallen out of favor, kitchen gadgets bought in a weak moment, shampoos that are barely used, unread magazines- well, you get the picture.
I’ve been busy lately. Really (wonderfully) busy and (please don’t read this, mom) haven’t really given the holiday much thought. And yet without paying attention to the calendar, the pre-holiday abstersion submersion has crept into my life. I find myself feverishly throwing out half used boxes of quinoa, divesting myself of bedding bought in a weak moment and questioning my need for 11 pairs of sneakers. (No, really. 11. And I’m not even a runner).
In other words, be it nature or nurture, sometimes you really do have to take a long, hard look in your closet and kitchen and just eliminate. Without remorse. Without nostalgia. Without wondering if you can re-purpose that skirt into a pillowcase.
Now is that time.
Delicious Minimalistic Holiday Wishes
December 23rd, 2011 § Leave a Comment
My friend Iyna posted this link to a slideshow featuring iconic architecture constructed out of gingerbread. Included are Frank Lloyd
Image by kevinq2000 via Flickr
Wright’s Fallingwater complete with bricks made of Sweetarts and Mies van der Rohe’s Farnsworth House.
Last night I spent some quality time at the Crafting Modern exhibit at the Museum of Arts and Design, and over the weekend I’ll be rewatching the Ray and Charles Eames documentary that aired on PBS earlier this week.
In all, I’m feeling rather spoiled for choice this holiday season and not missing a minute of the crazed shopping and acquiring frenzy that used to mark my Decembers.
Wishing you a holiday season with a minimum of stress, but jam-packed with soul nourishing and interesting experiences.
A Pared Down Holiday Season
November 28th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I’m not a fan of Black Friday (other than as an economy spurring device). Small Business Saturday makes me question American Express’s motives more than anything else, and Cyber Monday kind of gives me the creeps in a Neal Stephenson sort of a way. It
Image via Wikipedia
isn’t that I don’t love to shop, it’s that I hate the rigidity and new enforced holiday spending madness. Also that creepy Target Commercial woman.
This year I created a new holiday ritual. Instead of stocking up on more of the same, I tried to rid myself of old, unneeded and unused. It was a weird feeling to be clearing space out instead of clogging it up.
My journey toward clarity seems to take longer than anticipated, since I’ve been not only working, but also examining every item and trying to figure out how it once fit in my life, and if there is in fact place for it in my future. It’s also a challenge to reject the idea of disposable everything, but
instead trying to measure things based on need and usability.
Which brings me back to the holiday shopping madness. When even isolated incidents involving pepper spray are reported, when store employees have to spend upwards of 12 hours at work when they should be spending time with family, and when the holidays feel more chore than cause for celebration, it’s time to rethink our motives and messaging.
Bah, Humbug and all that to rampant consumerism even in a crappy economy.
Craft or Clutter?
October 17th, 2011 § 2 Comments
I like to joke that I was born into sales, which is mostly true.
Image by liquidindian via Flickr
When I was two years old my mother opened her first business, a yarn and crafting shop. I’d sit attentively at her side as she gave instructions, paired colors and otherwise helped women (and the infrequent, but brave men inspired by Rosey Grier) learn to beautify their worlds through the art of crafts.
While crafting is enjoying a resurgence in popularity, for me it’s always been a lifelong hobby, if not obsession. I’m constantly amazed at the magic of taking threads, canvas or paint and weaving, winding or daubing them into beautiful or useful objects.
Like most crafty people, I’ve amassed a collection of half-started projects over the years. While I’ve finished too many to count, I’m constantly haunted by the ghosts of non-finished needlepoints, half-painted canvases or long forgotten granny squares.
There’s no craft too arcane that I haven’t made at least an initial attempt to master it (yup, even lampshade making). My hall closet is crowded with unpainted canvases and I have a trunk full of hat making supplies.
Like most crafty people, I also suffer from the urge to buy supplies when inspiration hits and then watch them languish when I can’t quite recall their original purpose.
One of the hardest things I’ve faced in my quest to declutter is deciding what to do with my abundance of crafts materials. Are they masterpieces waiting to happen, or yet more masses of tiny objects conspiring to crowd me in?
Treasures from Trash
August 29th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I’ve spent a good portion of the last few weeks on Fake-Cation. I use my own variant, fake-cation, instead of more recently mainstream, accepted and twee staycation (or its dozens of spawns), because while I was mostly local, I ended u
p working and pitching, thereby making it more faux time off than fabulous escape. That burst of activity coupled with earthquakes and hurricanes and a rumored tornado (oh my) made my time off more eventful than restful.
And yet here I am refreshed and ready for big things this autumn. I should clarify, big good things this autumn. I could do without additional drama.
But on to the real thought of the day. Sometimes when you’re clearing things out you may discover a treasured object or something lost long ago. It doesn’t have to be buried treasure- sometimes a misplaced earring or bottle of shampoo makes you rethink your purchasing habits of the last few months. Instead of regret, per se, you might be filled with a memory of a purchasing things that worked for you instead of the ones most heavily advertised or highly priced. In these instances, it can encourage you to also start buying based not only on need or price- but based on quality, consistency and reliability.
So much more fun to have one that you love instead of eleven that fill you with post buyer’s remorse shame.
Clearing Out The Junk….Food
July 8th, 2011 § 1 Comment
At a recent visit to the doctor I discovered that I had perfect blood pressure – fairly shocking after the year I’ve been through. A friend asked me to what I attribute this fact, since we’d both shared woes of the specter of a fine family tradition of high blood pressure. “Well”, I said proudly, “Do you remember a few years back when I stopped eating junk food? Since then, I eat healthily, avoid salt or cooking with salt, walk as much as I can…” and then I stopped. Because that wasn’t entirely true.
Image by Getty Images via @daylife
Though I avoid meat, cook without or avoid salt when I can, avoid food with preservatives when I can and really do try to walk everywhere, I’ve found that junk food has found a sneaky way of sneaking back into my life. I did a quick mental tally of the last few weeks – from the rushed sandwich while on the go, to upheaval that could only be solved with a lot of teeth grinding and Pringles, I’ve become increasingly reliant on food better classified as junk.
Well that’s gonna stop too.
As I clear out the clutter from my life, I’m once again going to become more mindful of the junk I randomly ingest. As I treat my living space better and empty out the things that are distracting or no longer welcome, I’ll apply the same principle to my ultimate living, breathing space and vow to treat it a lot better. To that end, I’m going to be even more vigilant about what I eat and how much of it.
Here are some guidelines that have worked for me in the past:
1. I will try to prepare or cook the majority of the food that I eat
2. I will try to eat fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables when possible
3. I will avoid overly processed, salted or mass market produced foods.
4. I will not add salt to food when cooking, and try to avoid adding salt when eating it
5. Junk food is not my friend. It probably isn’t yours either. So while fries are an infrequent treat, I’m going to try to avoid them and their kin altogether. Pringles- consider yourself warned.
6. Whole Foods prepared foods, etc. are better options, but not the best option.
(And I’m going to update The Conflicted Minimalist Manifesto right now!)
Garbage In, Garbage Out
July 6th, 2011 § 4 Comments
Way back in my geeky web 1.o days, when I worked on Silicon Alley and did things like programming one of the world’s first online radio networks*, an acronym frequently bandied about was GIGO or Garbage In Garbage Out. Loosely translated it touched on a computer’s ability to spew out massive amounts of nonsensical information based on the quality of data it was fed. Well, something like that.
Image via Wikipedia
In striving for a more minimalist existence, I find myself by turns challenging or embracing the notion of GIGO.
I marvel at some of the objects I’ve accumulated over the years and find myself wondering if it was garbage to begin with, did it become less meaningful over time, or as my aesthetic changed, could my perceptions have changed as well?
Then again, I’m likely over thinking the matter. If it doesn’t feel significant to me now, it’s probably best labeled as garbage and then quickly removed from my apartment before I have declutterer’s remorse.
Oh, and if you have time to daydream today, be sure to visit Upstater for a swoony view of Upstate NY real estate.
*Would I lie to you?
Declare Your Independence
July 1st, 2011 § Leave a Comment
This weekend we celebrate the signing of one of the greatest documents in history- The Declaration of Independence which severed the American colonies’ ties with Great Britain. Fast forward 200+ years and and we’re displaying all the hallmarks of a modern relationship. Not only are we best friends with our ex, but celebrating the nuptials of its crowned progeny and eagerly awaiting his visit to our Canadian cousins.
Image via Wikipedia
Real life tends to be messier, and on the most basic level, break-ups, be it with a former friend or significant other, can seem like the ultimate in gut wrenching decluttering. Clearing out a person from your life who doesn’t suit you body and soul (or perhaps only body but not quite soul), or a subversive not supportive friend and declaring yourself independent comes with a lot of potential pitfalls, but also the potential for inner peace.
Bad friendships and relationships can drag you down much in the way that a too cluttered space can prevent you from thinking or acting in the way that you wish. Hard as it may be, there are times when you have to clear through your roster of friends or significant others and decide who’s got to go.
While frenemies have become something of a societal norm, I choose to let them go. I understand the notion of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, but I can’t think of a single reason why I’d want to keep someone like that around.
A vampire friend who sucks the life out of you? Gone.
The childhood friend who seems to appear only in times of need? She’s out of here too.
The wishy-washy boyfriend who seems only concerned with his own needs? A no brainer- time to break up.
Sometimes the most freeing thing you can do is clear out your phonebook.
Clearing Out the Mental Clutter
June 27th, 2011 § 4 Comments
A year ago today was one of the worst days of my life, following the worst week of my life. As a nod to not tempting or encouraging fate though, I’ll expand to include it in the top five worst days of my life.
Image by spengy via Flickr
To commemorate this auspicious occasion, I did a whole lot of relaxing over the weekend and planned on spending today indulgently, engaged in pampering activities and a spot of retail therapy (which according to a spate of recent articles actually is therapeutic- go figure).
Instead I woke this morning with a jolt and an undefined pit in my stomach at the uncivilized hour of 4:08 a.m. I couldn’t swear to it, but if I were a betting woman I’d say that was the exact time that I awoke with a similar sense of dread exactly 365 days ago.
I won’t expand on the drama, though I might fill you in on the details at some point. After tossing and turning followed by a moment of perfect clarity and melancholy memories, I wondered when that feeling would fade. While I’m sure this day will always be meaningful, I doubt that I’ll be as emotional next year at this time. What I’d like to do without most though, is the punch in the gut via memory.
Which leads me to my next thought.
A lot of the physical clutter that I struggle with started insinuating itself into my life last year at this time, when I was too distracted and physically unable to clear it away. It became a vicious cycle and ongoing annoyance and as the physical aspects became overwhelming, the mental clutter became more burdensome.
My point being, when life throws too much in your direction throw some of it out. It will give you a sense of control even during a time when you feel as though you’ve lost all control.
My other point being, memories serve a purpose, reminding us of both good or horrendous, but when bad memories take over the present, it’s high time to clear them away and make room for new, good memories to form. I remember reading a study which suggested that for major occasions a positive life experience anything from a concert to a vacation, was a better investment than the physical – say a new necklace. The premise being, that you could enjoy the experience more in your memories as they changed and you recounted or remembered fun elements of that particular experience.
I don’t know about you, but I’m so ready to clear out the bad memories and bring on the fun!
