F*ck You- F*ck You.

April 26, 2012 § Leave a comment

If you only know me from this blog, chances are you know my more genteel self. The one who is generally careful with her language and rarely uses expletives.

Clearly we haven’t met in person.

One of my struggles over the years has been excising more colorful four letter words from my day to day dealings. As a proud sometimes caricature of a native Brooklynite, I was once quite comfortable with randomly dropping F bombs into daily conversation. It was both a badge of pride and neighborhoody cultural thing. Get me behind the wheel of a car and I’d be crafting unique curse-tacular combinations that would impress a truck driver and make a sailor blush.

In more recent years though, I’ve become more aware of the weakness of substituting a curse for a colorful descriptor. And I make every effort not to use an easy curse to express dismay, excitement or simply as a substitute for something better.

Lately though, I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling lazy or tired I go for the easy F instead of truly expressing what I’m feeling. While I cringe at the random and copiously dropped pop culture curse variants (I’m no fan of asshat, manufactured to appease network TV sponsors) I sometimes find them preferable to the coarse curses we’ve come to accept. It’s almost like performers are trying too hard to push the proverbial envelope slightly as evidenced in Cee Lo’s F*ck You (Forget You on the radio version) or the bleeped out F*ck in a recent promo spot for AMC’s The Pitch, meant to sell the passion of the advertising business and marketing process.

So, as I clear out useless clutter, I mean to also rid myself of the urge to curse. I won’t pretend to go cold turkey, but intend to find more creative ways to express joy, displeasure or amazement.

On Essays, Soul Spilling and Survivors

April 20, 2012 § 2 Comments

While it would seem to the world that as a professional writer I spill my guts on a regular basis, I’m actually incredibly circumspect about what I share publicly. My other self, the marketing strategist, regularly lectures me to ignore my desire to share the painful and over-twee and to instead mind my brand when opening up in print. So I write about beauty. And I write about culture. And I examine modern cultural minutiae and try to understand what motivates people. And I try to find ways to help people in their business lives and every day strive to make people’s worlds slightly more amusing and hopeful. And I try to tiptoe through the misery and inequity in the world and instead focus on teeny, tiny ways to make things better. Happier. Clearer. Because the

Yellow badge Star of David called "Judens...

Yellow badge Star of David called "Judenstern". Part of the exhibition in the Jewish Museum Westphalia, Dorsten, Germany. The wording is the German word for Jew (Jude), written in mock-Hebrew script. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

collective clutter of misery in the world can be far too soul crushing.

Yesterday was Holocaust Remembrance Day, a day meant to commemorate the millions murdered by the Nazis. As a child of survivors I wonder where is the day celebrating the survivors? What about the ones who endured living hell and went on to create families and communities and lives filled with both magical and mediocre moments?

As the child of a child concentration camp survivor and a member of a family of survivors, I don’t need one day to remind me, every day is Holocaust Remembrance day in my world. I am a living, breathing, Holocaust memorial. After years of not discussing my familial pain, I decided to write an essay about it and submit it to my usual outlets. It was neither raw, nor overly emotional. What struck me most is how matter of fact I was about the facts of my life. And the fact that I didn’t much care if it was published or not. More than that, it was cathartic to talk about the ongoing struggle of survivors to be afforded dignity as they age. I spoke about the indignity of survivors trying to deal with the organizations that are funded by German reparation money and exist to aid them, who instead choose to victimize them a second time. There was no rage. There was no pain. Merely an airing out of a story that should be told over and over again until justice is meted out and not in insultingly tiny increments.

I’ve written and deleted tens of thousands of words over the years dealing with the particular pain of being what is known as 2G, the second generation of survivors. I wasn’t ready to share with the world the fact that as a very little girl in summer camp, I’d map out escape routes through the forests, just in case the Nazis came back for the rest of us. I felt too vulnerable to share the particular terror felt by children of survivors, that every time you kiss a family member goodbye, it could be the last goodbye. Or the fact that I almost exclusively dated tall blonde WASPs in the hidden hopes that they would save me, if it ever happened again. I never wanted to share the rage at feeling that even my most crucial moments, illnesses or heartaches were inconsequential, because really, how can you compete with the specter of your then eleven year old father being a slave laborer before being sent to a concentration camp? Or knowing that your name isn’t even your own, but rather one plucked from the mass grave at Auschwitz, where the first Rachel Weingarten was gassed before being obliterated in a puff of crematorium smoke. Or how after emerging from the hell that was cancer, you wondered why on earth people insisted on calling you a survivor.

But this time I hit send on my essay instead of delete. I felt as though I was sweeping clean some of the barbed wire cobwebs that pin me to a painful past. Still there, still somewhat rusty, but perhaps less oppressive.

In yearning to clear my life of extraneous clutter, I have to sometimes publicly explore my personal pain, the pain of a lost generation and wonder how people manage to forget.

Zachor. Remember. Not just one day a year, but every day. Not so that you live in the past, but so that the future can remain a hopeful place and not one crowded by ghosts demanding retribution.

Spring Cleaning

April 1, 2012 § Leave a comment

I’ve been paying attention lately to the timing of my cyclical cleaning jags. Sometimes the urge to purge intersects with impending

Festive Seder table with wine, matza and Seder...

Festive Seder table with wine, matza and Seder plate. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

visitors and other times with different dates on the calendar.

As someone who was raised with a traditional Jewish upbringing, I’ve often fallen victim to the near hysterical house cleaning that generally accompanies Passover, which begins at sunset on Friday.

Though most frequently associated with the shunning of all things leavened (with pasta, bread & bagels topping the list) and eating of matzoh, the holiday that heralds spring also has a subset of rules and regulations. Some that have been passed down over the generations include the reading of the Hagaddah which recounts the Jews exodus from Egypt and the tyrannical Pharoah (10 plagues and all); drinking four glasses of wine; asking the four questions and generally celebrating the Jews’ escape from slavery to freedom complete with a huge meal and quest for gifts. Or as Good for the Jews puts it “They tried to kills us. We Survived. Let’s Eat.”

Good for the Jews: They Tried to Kill Us…

For Jews like myself of Eastern European heritage, the holiday also involves a generally frenzied top/down house cleaning and subsequent disposal of any offending bread-like or even remotely near leavened products. Also clothes that you no longer wear, shoes that have fallen out of favor, kitchen gadgets bought in a weak moment, shampoos that are barely used, unread magazines- well, you get the picture.

I’ve been busy lately. Really (wonderfully) busy and (please don’t read this, mom) haven’t really given the holiday much thought. And yet without paying attention to the calendar, the pre-holiday abstersion submersion has crept into my life. I find myself feverishly throwing out half used boxes of quinoa, divesting myself of bedding bought in a weak moment and questioning my need for 11 pairs of sneakers. (No, really. 11. And I’m not even a runner).

In other words, be it nature or nurture, sometimes you really do have to take a long, hard look in your closet and kitchen and just eliminate. Without remorse. Without nostalgia. Without wondering if you can re-purpose that skirt into a pillowcase.

Now is that time.

Rediscovering A Former Self

January 10, 2012 § 3 Comments

A few years back I broke my pinky toe. Annoying, painful and a mere blip in the grand scheme of things. A few months after that I broke the big toe on the same foot. More annoying, more painful and much harder to deal with. I hobbled around, then walked with a cane for a few months and wore one of those hideous space boots, before graduating to sneakers and then moving on completely. Other than the odd twinge in my foot when the weather changes and the inability to wear high heels, I’ve all but forgotten about both breaks.

Until last week.

Français : escarpins ouverts en Élaphe de marq...

Image via Wikipedia

I was clearing out some old shoes when I discovered a stash that would give Carrie Bradshaw pause. While I was never prone to sky-high Manolos, for a while there I had a serious thing for sexy high heels and all manner of expensive and impractical shoes – and a former flame who encouraged my bad habit.

It was incredibly odd to discover box after box of mostly unworn designer shoes that not only hurt my feet, but had me tottering about in the effort to look if not feel fabulous. While I still have a weakness for cute (and comfortable) shoes, what I no longer have is the instinct to sacrifice my comfort or ability to walk for a misguided sense of fashion.

Looking through those shoe boxes was like a weird trip down memory lane, or I suppose what others feel when looking through scrapbooks.

Red patent leather Prada platform pumps bought for a meeting and worn instead to a flirtatious lunch.

Blush colored Jimmy Choo peep toes worn to one of my book parties.

White beaded suede Giuseppe Zanottis bought for a wedding that never happened – my own.

In other words, more than concert ticket stubs or love letters, these impractical and uncomfortable style statements reminded me of trying to cram myself into a beauty or fashion ideal that is no longer my own. And I’m okay with letting go of them.

Goodbye Cruel Shoes.

Delicious Minimalistic Holiday Wishes

December 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

My friend Iyna posted this link to a slideshow featuring iconic architecture constructed out of gingerbread. Included are Frank Lloyd

Fallingwater

Image by kevinq2000 via Flickr

Wright’s Fallingwater complete with bricks made of Sweetarts and Mies van der Rohe’s Farnsworth House.

Last night I spent some quality time at the Crafting Modern exhibit at the Museum of Arts and Design, and over the weekend I’ll be rewatching the Ray and Charles Eames documentary that aired on PBS earlier this week.

In all, I’m feeling rather spoiled for choice this holiday season and not missing a minute of the crazed shopping and acquiring frenzy that used to mark my Decembers.

Wishing you a holiday season with a minimum of stress, but jam-packed with soul nourishing and interesting experiences.

Useless Tchotchka #12837

December 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

Warby Parker, an eyeglass company known for their sleek styles and affordable pricing have produced a product that almost defies

Mr. Peanut

Image via Wikipedia

belief. I say almost, because one imagines that a company geared to hipsters, cheapsters and those looking to make an inexpensive fashion statement might actually find this item useful.

It is…

a monocle.

No, really. A single framed eyeglass generally favored by movie villains and war criminals has suddenly reemerged as a seemingly viable fashion statement.

And how soon after purchase and the initial ‘ooh,’ ‘aah’ and chortle do we suspect this will be filling landfills and junk drawers everywhere?

A Pared Down Holiday Season

November 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’m not a fan of Black Friday (other than as an economy spurring device). Small Business Saturday makes me question American Express’s motives more than anything else, and Cyber Monday kind of gives me the creeps in a Neal Stephenson sort of a way.  It

Think outside the box

Image via Wikipedia

isn’t that I don’t love to shop, it’s that I hate the rigidity and new enforced holiday spending madness. Also that creepy Target Commercial woman.

This year I created a new holiday ritual. Instead of stocking up on more of the same, I tried to rid myself of old, unneeded and unused. It was a weird feeling to be clearing space out instead of clogging it up.

My journey toward clarity seems to take longer than anticipated, since I’ve been not only working, but also examining every item and trying to figure out how it once fit in my life, and if there is in fact place for it in my future. It’s also a challenge to reject the idea of disposable everything, but
instead trying to measure things based on need and usability.

Which brings me back to the holiday shopping madness. When even isolated incidents involving pepper spray are reported, when store employees have to spend upwards of 12 hours at work when they should be spending time with family, and when the holidays feel more chore than cause for celebration, it’s time to rethink our motives and messaging.

Bah, Humbug and all that to rampant consumerism even in a crappy economy.

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